Something's always been mixed up,
Nothing's ever quite right.
I think my world is crashing down,
When I go to sleep at night.
When I wake up it's all brand new,
The chance to feel alive again.
Yet you're there and I'm here,
Just like its always been.
Someone else was meant for you,
I'm only allowed to be support.
Love is a tough game to play,
Touching hearts - a contact sport.
My feelings for you differ,
Compared to who I used to think of.
I'm sorry I don't see a friend,
But the only person I'll ever love.
I go to sleep feeling sad,
Knowing I'll awake just fine.
Until I realize you're gone,
Where I'm out of sight and out of mind.
There's only one thing I'll ever ask,
The only time I'll beg and plead.
It's that after you turn your back,
You won't try to forget me.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
Eye Dew
Alone in her room - she wonders,
If this is a life she should pursue.
The night before it all changes,
With those two words ( ).
She'd like to believe - it's a fantasy,
The same as Cinderella and her glass shoe.
But there's a love to be lost - a life it will cost,
The final closure - the ( ).
There was no other way - for her to say,
That not loving him would be untrue.
To the dismay - of her fiancee,
She'd had second thoughts of ( ).
This other man she loved,
Had torn her heart in two.
With the heartache - a decision to make,
Would she say ( )?
She dreamt that night of walking,
Down to a groom standing out of view.
When she saw it was him - she jumped,
And knew she could not say ( ).
She knew before - who she loved more,
The feelings she failed to subdue.
On the brink - she took time to think,
Of what it means to say ( ).
Did she make the right decision - with the right precision?
Discovering a long lost love anew?
Such a difficult choice - to simply use your voice,
And say those two little words ( ) .
If this is a life she should pursue.
The night before it all changes,
With those two words ( ).
She'd like to believe - it's a fantasy,
The same as Cinderella and her glass shoe.
But there's a love to be lost - a life it will cost,
The final closure - the ( ).
There was no other way - for her to say,
That not loving him would be untrue.
To the dismay - of her fiancee,
She'd had second thoughts of ( ).
This other man she loved,
Had torn her heart in two.
With the heartache - a decision to make,
Would she say ( )?
She dreamt that night of walking,
Down to a groom standing out of view.
When she saw it was him - she jumped,
And knew she could not say ( ).
She knew before - who she loved more,
The feelings she failed to subdue.
On the brink - she took time to think,
Of what it means to say ( ).
Did she make the right decision - with the right precision?
Discovering a long lost love anew?
Such a difficult choice - to simply use your voice,
And say those two little words ( ) .
Thursday, August 10, 2006
When I'm Gone
I'd like to do it,
To see if you'd say bye.
To see if you'd care,
To see if you'd cry.
I'd go through with it,
Just to see past your walls,
Just to see if I'm important,
Just to see if I matter at all.
I'd do it again if I could,
Only to see the emotion in your face.
Only to see the twinkle in your eyes,
Only to see the tears start to race.
I can only pull the trigger once,
Since it's a very final type of task.
It's a shame I won't see at all,
Since I was too scared to simply ask.
I never knew how you felt, and now I never will. I am sorry. I just hope that you feel something after I'm gone. Anything... Anything at all.
To see if you'd say bye.
To see if you'd care,
To see if you'd cry.
I'd go through with it,
Just to see past your walls,
Just to see if I'm important,
Just to see if I matter at all.
I'd do it again if I could,
Only to see the emotion in your face.
Only to see the twinkle in your eyes,
Only to see the tears start to race.
I can only pull the trigger once,
Since it's a very final type of task.
It's a shame I won't see at all,
Since I was too scared to simply ask.
I never knew how you felt, and now I never will. I am sorry. I just hope that you feel something after I'm gone. Anything... Anything at all.
Dealing With Problems
Like a child you trap yourself inside,
Telling others to go away.
You just wish you'd disappear,
Since you don't know what to say.
It all seems stupid in your head,
And even moreso when it spills out.
Instead of keeping your chin high,
You sit and wimper and pout.
You convince yourself they don't know,
The way that your mind works.
You hope your silence gets to them,
Without making you seem like a jerk.
It's one of those feelings you have,
That you seem to know all too well.
You know exactly what it means,
But can't quite manage to quell.
You ceased being yourself,
Or perhaps finally began.
No one has a clue,
That seclusion is your plan.
Perhaps by remaining quiet,
Help will arrive with the winds of time.
Or then again it just may rest,
In between the line of a rhyme.
Telling others to go away.
You just wish you'd disappear,
Since you don't know what to say.
It all seems stupid in your head,
And even moreso when it spills out.
Instead of keeping your chin high,
You sit and wimper and pout.
You convince yourself they don't know,
The way that your mind works.
You hope your silence gets to them,
Without making you seem like a jerk.
It's one of those feelings you have,
That you seem to know all too well.
You know exactly what it means,
But can't quite manage to quell.
You ceased being yourself,
Or perhaps finally began.
No one has a clue,
That seclusion is your plan.
Perhaps by remaining quiet,
Help will arrive with the winds of time.
Or then again it just may rest,
In between the line of a rhyme.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Even If...
I ask myself every day,
If you could be the one.
But "one" is never the same,
And in fact there might be none.
A dream made up in my head,
A you that doesn't exist.
With a face I've never touched,
And lips I've never kissed.
Yet who you are is there,
And I can see it clear.
My eyes and fingertips,
Are what I use to hear.
Who's to say this isn't right?
I just believe what's in my heart.
However making sense of that,
Is the really confusing part.
When the power goes out,
And I'm left sitting in the dark.
I play this song for myself,
Letting it leave its mark.
Years have gone by,
And I'm still not sure I know.
If it's still too late to act,
Or if it is now time to let go.
I'll be the very best friend,
That I know how to be.
I'll be whoever you need,
Or do whatever you ask of me.
It isn't too late, for you to ask,
A little favor now and then.
Because even if I can't love you,
I will always be your friend.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Love is Confidential
Like little black folders,
We hide with decency.
The ones we often love,
Are kept in secrecy.
Not even our closest friends,
Know the feelings we possess.
Or the overwhelming emotions,
We always fail to suppress.
There is no one out there,
To say who is just a friend.
So we do the ever-dangerous,
Allowing our minds to pretend.
"What might be",
"If only I knew".
We have a plan in mind,
But rarely pursue.
I've learned that's just life,
A part that we can't rid.
We have to learn to live,
With the love that is forbid.
We hide with decency.
The ones we often love,
Are kept in secrecy.
Not even our closest friends,
Know the feelings we possess.
Or the overwhelming emotions,
We always fail to suppress.
There is no one out there,
To say who is just a friend.
So we do the ever-dangerous,
Allowing our minds to pretend.
"What might be",
"If only I knew".
We have a plan in mind,
But rarely pursue.
I've learned that's just life,
A part that we can't rid.
We have to learn to live,
With the love that is forbid.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
It's snowing all around me...
The snow falls silently,
But I can hear it with my eyes.
Through my bedroom window,
I'm waiting for my surprise.
It happened to Kelly down the street,
And I heard it happened to Jared, too.
But it never seems to happen to me,
And I think that I'm long overdue.
It has come knocking at my door,
Yet I stay huddled in my room.
Scared and dependent of others,
Just like I was in the womb.
I really just need a friend,
Someone to help me get through.
But this friend I think I need,
Is not you, or you, or you.
It's just best to leave me alone,
So please try and hear my plea.
I'm not looking for what you offer,
So please stop bugging me.
Just let me stare out of my window,
Down to the vibrant streets below.
That are covered ever so gracefully,
With the loving touch of snow.
Allow me to wish upon a star,
That I'll touch that snow one day.
And that I'll find someone out there,
Who can help show me the way.
So effortlessly it falls,
As lovers await its descent.
They longingly await its touch,
While I mournfully lament.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Always
No matter which way I turn,
No matter which direction I face,
I'm reminded in some way of you,
A memory I cannot erase.
If I turn on the radio,
I'll hear songs we sung together.
Or if I see gray clouds forming,
How you liked the rainy weather.
If I feel drowsy during the day,
I remember our two-hour naps.
And how if I asked if you loved me,
You'd grin and say "Perhaps".
I'll wake up in the morning,
My hand clutching hair on my head.
Remembering a time it was yours,
And not my lonely self instead.
I'll cook things we made together,
Because the smells remind me of you.
All that's different are my tears,
Which drop effortlessly in to the brew.
Why do you have to be everywhere,
Except the one place that matters?
I now live in a world of silence,
That was once filled with your chatter.
No matter how hard that I try,
I don't think I'll ever forget,
Because things remind me every day,
Of the very first day we met.
Always, I will remember,
Always, I'll love you.
Always, I'll be there,
I just wish you could be here too.
No matter which direction I face,
I'm reminded in some way of you,
A memory I cannot erase.
If I turn on the radio,
I'll hear songs we sung together.
Or if I see gray clouds forming,
How you liked the rainy weather.
If I feel drowsy during the day,
I remember our two-hour naps.
And how if I asked if you loved me,
You'd grin and say "Perhaps".
I'll wake up in the morning,
My hand clutching hair on my head.
Remembering a time it was yours,
And not my lonely self instead.
I'll cook things we made together,
Because the smells remind me of you.
All that's different are my tears,
Which drop effortlessly in to the brew.
Why do you have to be everywhere,
Except the one place that matters?
I now live in a world of silence,
That was once filled with your chatter.
No matter how hard that I try,
I don't think I'll ever forget,
Because things remind me every day,
Of the very first day we met.
Always, I will remember,
Always, I'll love you.
Always, I'll be there,
I just wish you could be here too.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Realization
Ever since we were little,
In a world of make-believe and pretend,
You've always been there for me,
As one of my best friends.
I remember our first day of school,
When we helped each other with chores.
And that day I forgot my lunch,
You let me borrow some of yours.
When I blew the big game,
And was facing shouts and jeers,
You said "Good job for doing your best",
Which is all I wanted to hear.
Many, many years later,
After I fell for Nancy Jane,
You were there when it was over,
To piece together what remained.
I still recall the night,
You called me crying on the phone.
Wondering if love existed,
Or if you were truly all alone.
I remember beating up your boyfriend,
And then throwing him in the creek.
You cried and I consoled you,
Tending to the bruise on your cheek.
All these years have passed,
And I think I realize,
The feelings I've had for you,
So long wrapped in disguise.
Unlike a sister, mother, brother, or father,
I'd like to confess my true feelings to you.
If you want to convince me miracles exist,
Then tell me you feel this way too.
In a world of make-believe and pretend,
You've always been there for me,
As one of my best friends.
I remember our first day of school,
When we helped each other with chores.
And that day I forgot my lunch,
You let me borrow some of yours.
When I blew the big game,
And was facing shouts and jeers,
You said "Good job for doing your best",
Which is all I wanted to hear.
Many, many years later,
After I fell for Nancy Jane,
You were there when it was over,
To piece together what remained.
I still recall the night,
You called me crying on the phone.
Wondering if love existed,
Or if you were truly all alone.
I remember beating up your boyfriend,
And then throwing him in the creek.
You cried and I consoled you,
Tending to the bruise on your cheek.
All these years have passed,
And I think I realize,
The feelings I've had for you,
So long wrapped in disguise.
Unlike a sister, mother, brother, or father,
I'd like to confess my true feelings to you.
If you want to convince me miracles exist,
Then tell me you feel this way too.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Gowns of Deceit
Bachelor's party,
A fiesta of what's to come.
Where good advice is given,
And also some that's dumb.
A best man's friend,
May cut up and poke some fun.
But perhaps he's simply jealous,
He'll never be a husband or have a son.
I won't say marriage is the best,
Since it is also often the worst.
It has the ability to turn sour,
Even if it seems perfect at first.
So many people say they're different,
And that their marriage will last.
They're just as ignorant as the rest,
Who made the same mistake in the past.
So then what makes it work?
Patience, understanding, and care?
Even things like these,
Can't stop an inevitable affair.
Perhaps there's no guarantee,
You'll love them 'til death do you part.
But hopefully before you die,
You'll love them the same as from the start.
A fiesta of what's to come.
Where good advice is given,
And also some that's dumb.
A best man's friend,
May cut up and poke some fun.
But perhaps he's simply jealous,
He'll never be a husband or have a son.
I won't say marriage is the best,
Since it is also often the worst.
It has the ability to turn sour,
Even if it seems perfect at first.
So many people say they're different,
And that their marriage will last.
They're just as ignorant as the rest,
Who made the same mistake in the past.
So then what makes it work?
Patience, understanding, and care?
Even things like these,
Can't stop an inevitable affair.
Perhaps there's no guarantee,
You'll love them 'til death do you part.
But hopefully before you die,
You'll love them the same as from the start.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Took So Long
I waited and waited and waited,
For well over a year.
And you never once said the words,
That I was waiting to hear.
An invisible barrier between us,
Crushing our hopes and dreams.
Causing a silence on the outside,
But on the inside inducing screams.
Now we have time to look back,
On all the love that we've missed.
And question even further,
If there was any love to exist.
Minds confuse the heart,
And hearts alter the mind.
Looking for a diamond in the rough,
With a pair of eyes that are blind.
How easily our hearts move on,
And find a different object to desire.
But memories of the mind remain,
Until our lives retire.
For well over a year.
And you never once said the words,
That I was waiting to hear.
An invisible barrier between us,
Crushing our hopes and dreams.
Causing a silence on the outside,
But on the inside inducing screams.
Now we have time to look back,
On all the love that we've missed.
And question even further,
If there was any love to exist.
Minds confuse the heart,
And hearts alter the mind.
Looking for a diamond in the rough,
With a pair of eyes that are blind.
How easily our hearts move on,
And find a different object to desire.
But memories of the mind remain,
Until our lives retire.
Ghost Love
Beneath the starlit sky,
Me and you are free to roam.
I'm glad neither of us can drive,
So I can walk you home.
It's about thirty minutes away,
But I truthfully don't mind.
With each step we take,
We leave a little love behind.
A trail to guide me later,
When I'm walking home alone.
I know as soon as you can,
You'll give a buzz on my cellphone.
Just so I won't be lonely,
Walking back to my place.
My company is you in my heart,
And a smile on my face.
Until that time arrives,
I walk beside you holding your hand.
No words need be spoken,
For both of us to understand.
We say "Goodnight" over the phone,
And then all the sudden I'm sad.
Because you never even existed,
In this memory I never had.
Me and you are free to roam.
I'm glad neither of us can drive,
So I can walk you home.
It's about thirty minutes away,
But I truthfully don't mind.
With each step we take,
We leave a little love behind.
A trail to guide me later,
When I'm walking home alone.
I know as soon as you can,
You'll give a buzz on my cellphone.
Just so I won't be lonely,
Walking back to my place.
My company is you in my heart,
And a smile on my face.
Until that time arrives,
I walk beside you holding your hand.
No words need be spoken,
For both of us to understand.
We say "Goodnight" over the phone,
And then all the sudden I'm sad.
Because you never even existed,
In this memory I never had.
Doing Okay...
All of you are so concerned,
With the poetry I display.
When you ask if I'm alright,
I'll tell you I'm okay.
"Hey, how are you?"
Is a line so overly cliché.
Yet not as much as my reply,
"I think I'm doing okay".
One of you even asked,
The same exact question today.
Guess what I said?
That I was doing okay.
Perhaps you'll never see,
The inside I never portray.
Which is why you'll never know,
I'm really not doing okay.
Every day in disarray,
With my life in decay,
I don't display my dismay,
I just say I'm doing okay.
Not necessarily about me, at least not right now.
With the poetry I display.
When you ask if I'm alright,
I'll tell you I'm okay.
"Hey, how are you?"
Is a line so overly cliché.
Yet not as much as my reply,
"I think I'm doing okay".
One of you even asked,
The same exact question today.
Guess what I said?
That I was doing okay.
Perhaps you'll never see,
The inside I never portray.
Which is why you'll never know,
I'm really not doing okay.
Every day in disarray,
With my life in decay,
I don't display my dismay,
I just say I'm doing okay.
Not necessarily about me, at least not right now.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Gone
Sitting up in heaven,
I wonder why I died.
Why I couldn't seem to live,
No matter how hard that I tried.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be,
This life that I once had.
I lived not in infinity,
But in an eternity of sad.
I thought that you could save me,
So I reached out to only you.
But I didn't think you didn't know,
All that I was going through.
I thought we could cure each other,
Which was perhaps a bit too good.
You probably never thought to try,
Or even believed that we could.
I can only look down on you now,
I cannot touch or smell your hair.
It breaks my heart to see you,
Give an hour each night to prayer.
Perhaps you're asking God,
Just why I had to go.
Just why I killed myself,
(Although I think you know).
I loved everything about you,
And anything you ever said.
I'm so sorry that I'm gone,
Because I couldn't love myself instead.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
God Bless the Lives That Are Taken
This song is one minute long.
Take that one minute and use it to thank the people who die so you can hear it.
Strangers
Open up your heart and show me what's inside. Display your greatest fears and most horrific desires. Allow me to see the real you - the one that you hide from others. Proudly flaunt yourself untouched and unaltered and allow me to savor in its purity.
All because we can't see each other, all because we don't know each other. All because we know nothing of each others' pasts, presents, or futures. Simply because of the fact that we just met we can do this. Simply because of the fact that we don't know if we will meet again. For these reasons and many more we proudly show off who we are to complete strangers. To people that very well could make our pain a thousand time worse.
Yet we continue to talk to them, because they are there. They exist, but only indirectly affect our lives. We do not have to negotiate or participate in anything with them involuntarily, so thus we give ourselves unto them. And we do so without even thinking twice. In the blink of an eye our darkest desires are revealed and the true form of who we are is unveiled.
Why do we do it? Because we know if they are horrified or stupefied that we can simply move on. It only takes the click of a button or a few simple keystrokes to end it all. When you are talking to someone like this, your world exists on the face of a penny. Your reality becomes so condensed that you are easily able to package and ship it to any recipient. That's why we are different from you. That's why you won't ever understand us, and most of us wouldn't have it any other way.
All because we can't see each other, all because we don't know each other. All because we know nothing of each others' pasts, presents, or futures. Simply because of the fact that we just met we can do this. Simply because of the fact that we don't know if we will meet again. For these reasons and many more we proudly show off who we are to complete strangers. To people that very well could make our pain a thousand time worse.
Yet we continue to talk to them, because they are there. They exist, but only indirectly affect our lives. We do not have to negotiate or participate in anything with them involuntarily, so thus we give ourselves unto them. And we do so without even thinking twice. In the blink of an eye our darkest desires are revealed and the true form of who we are is unveiled.
Why do we do it? Because we know if they are horrified or stupefied that we can simply move on. It only takes the click of a button or a few simple keystrokes to end it all. When you are talking to someone like this, your world exists on the face of a penny. Your reality becomes so condensed that you are easily able to package and ship it to any recipient. That's why we are different from you. That's why you won't ever understand us, and most of us wouldn't have it any other way.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
You
Your mind is patient,
Your hands are gentle.
Your grace is genuine,
And your heart sentimental.
I almost cannot stare at you,
Because my head begins to swirl.
How is even God capable,
Of making such a girl?
Your tears resemble daggers,
That pierce straight through my heart.
An embrace to dissolve the sobs,
That no one can break apart.
Yet those eyes are so strong,
Burning from a soul on fire.
The person I love the most,
And also that I admire.
You're always there for me,
If I have a bad day.
With those three words,
That so lovingly you say.
There's nothing else in the world,
That I wish to possess.
Which is why when you ask if I love you,
I can't help it but say "Yes".
You improve me a thousandfold,
By giving me expectations to live up to.
I used to think God didn't exist,
And then suddenly I found you.
I am unworthy of your heart,
That belongs with the angels of the Sky.
It was surely a mistake you were sent,
To me to live and die.
You belong somewhere else,
With a halo and pair of wings.
I'm sorry I can only offer,
My love and a ring.
I will always be there for you,
So don't hesitate to ask.
Because loving you with all my heart,
Is such an easy task.
Your hands are gentle.
Your grace is genuine,
And your heart sentimental.
I almost cannot stare at you,
Because my head begins to swirl.
How is even God capable,
Of making such a girl?
Your tears resemble daggers,
That pierce straight through my heart.
An embrace to dissolve the sobs,
That no one can break apart.
Yet those eyes are so strong,
Burning from a soul on fire.
The person I love the most,
And also that I admire.
You're always there for me,
If I have a bad day.
With those three words,
That so lovingly you say.
There's nothing else in the world,
That I wish to possess.
Which is why when you ask if I love you,
I can't help it but say "Yes".
You improve me a thousandfold,
By giving me expectations to live up to.
I used to think God didn't exist,
And then suddenly I found you.
I am unworthy of your heart,
That belongs with the angels of the Sky.
It was surely a mistake you were sent,
To me to live and die.
You belong somewhere else,
With a halo and pair of wings.
I'm sorry I can only offer,
My love and a ring.
I will always be there for you,
So don't hesitate to ask.
Because loving you with all my heart,
Is such an easy task.
24
If I had twenty-four hours to live,
I wonder - where I would go?
Maybe run away with fear?
Or accept it because I know?
I'd tell no one I loved them,
It would only make it worse.
Caught on a one-way path,
That I know I can't reverse.
Most likely I'd be alone,
What could had I done different?
Trying to take back lies,
In an attempt to repent.
But there's one thing that I'd think of,
Up until my final breath.
And there's a secret I've left behind,
So you can discover it after my death.
If you free a dog from a cage,
He'll likely be loyal and true.
Which is why before I die,
I wish I had said that I love you.
Can you uncover the secret,
The last message - my final good-bye?
Here's a hint to get you started:
Simply follow the butterfly.
You knew all along,
And yet you didn't say a word.
Now we are traveling apart,
Towards infinity,
While a magnificent life for both of us,
Fades away,
In to eternity,
Away from both of us,
Forever.
I wonder - where I would go?
Maybe run away with fear?
Or accept it because I know?
I'd tell no one I loved them,
It would only make it worse.
Caught on a one-way path,
That I know I can't reverse.
Most likely I'd be alone,
What could had I done different?
Trying to take back lies,
In an attempt to repent.
But there's one thing that I'd think of,
Up until my final breath.
And there's a secret I've left behind,
So you can discover it after my death.
If you free a dog from a cage,
He'll likely be loyal and true.
Which is why before I die,
I wish I had said that I love you.
Can you uncover the secret,
The last message - my final good-bye?
Here's a hint to get you started:
Simply follow the butterfly.
You knew all along,
And yet you didn't say a word.
Now we are traveling apart,
Towards infinity,
While a magnificent life for both of us,
Fades away,
In to eternity,
Away from both of us,
Forever.
Monday, July 17, 2006
I Guess That's Love
I'm a lying snake in the grass,
Waiting for the chance to strike.
Waiting for the moment to steal,
That which I very much like.
When the time and air are ripe,
I'll destroy his supporting hands.
All along he thought he was helping,
Although he didn't know my plans.
My smile conceals a grin,
My waving hand - a knife.
They'll all call it an accident,
When I steal his future wife.
Who says she can't love me?
Half as much as she loved him?
I'll find the answer when I arrive,
In the fires of hell with stones of brim.
I was such a nice little boy,
Who no one thought could do wrong.
But you knew that it would come to this,
You knew all along.
(And you still didn't stop me)
Waiting for the chance to strike.
Waiting for the moment to steal,
That which I very much like.
When the time and air are ripe,
I'll destroy his supporting hands.
All along he thought he was helping,
Although he didn't know my plans.
My smile conceals a grin,
My waving hand - a knife.
They'll all call it an accident,
When I steal his future wife.
Who says she can't love me?
Half as much as she loved him?
I'll find the answer when I arrive,
In the fires of hell with stones of brim.
I was such a nice little boy,
Who no one thought could do wrong.
But you knew that it would come to this,
You knew all along.
(And you still didn't stop me)
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