hunter gatherer

we were much better off
dying to simple illnesses,
starvation, and wild animals.
such deaths were quick.

now we die slowly,
of stress and disease
from pressures and foods
that once never existed.

before we used adrenaline
to avoid being eaten.
now we use it at work,
at home, with no release.

the sun regulated our bodies
when we lived outdoors.
the cool air helped us
get a good night's rest.

now we sit indoors,
staring at monitors,
even in our beds,
before we toss and turn.

we have slowly, piece by piece,
created a world where we live
longer and longer,
unhealthier and unhappier.

freedom used to be intrinsic
with the human experience.
now we pay to get away for
a couple weeks of the year.

our group roles used to keep
many others alive, and
now our deaths go unnoticed,
a sense of community shattered.

we are all hunter gatherers,
living in a complex world
to which our very beings
have yet to adapt.

we often forget our human capacity
for discovery and exploration is infinite,
and when we ruminate on better times,
we limit how much we can experience.

for while things right now may have been better
at a particular point at a particular time,
they may still yet be even better
in a future you are too blind to see.

yet resign yourself to a depressed state
and you close yourself to change,
accept a steady-state of stagnancy,
and spoil your gift of life.

cd nostalgia

returning to this place of disappointment,
i reflect on how far i've come
and how i managed to forget you,
only to have the memories flood back.

the painful, self-destructive thoughts return
as my chest tightens and i recall
how i thought i loved you,
the warped reality i convinced myself of.

even now, when i know it wasn't real,
i wonder if you ever return here
and think the same thoughts,
or if you've simply moved on.

vilify

they were the bad aftertaste
to an expensive bottle of wine.
the disappointing reality
of lofty expectations.

not a promising dream,
but the noise that awakens you.
the thunderclap that follows
every strike of lightning.

a favorite song played
one too many times.
a scented candle that
slowly makes you nauseous.

and yet i wonder if there was more,
something beneath the surface,
that even now, looking back,
is waiting to be uncovered.

exile

i've searched for years it seems,
for that fundamental difference
that makes connecting to others
something more than second nature.

neither friend nor family can
fill the void created by a lack
of human understanding and
an unwillingness to try.

how seemingly unimportant
a single life can seem,
when we feel all alone
even while surrounded.