sounds like a lot of fun,
if you didn't happen to know
what either of them are.
when you think about it,
your shadow is light
that traveled 93 million miles,
only to be blocked by you.
they should film
a sequel to the movie
groundhog day,
and re-release the original.
on april fool's day a porno site
should make a video where
a plumber shows up to a house,
fixes the toilet, and leaves.
i wonder if my dog follows me
into the bathroom when i pee
because i go out when he does
and he thinks that's how it works.
every single day,
someone on earth
unknowingly lets out
the biggest poo for that day.
thanks for the Internet,
I've probably seen more
naked women, then all
my ancestors combined.
if Goldilocks slept in three beds,
then momma and poppa bear
slept separately, and baby bear
is the only thing keeping them together.
older vehicles used to have
automatic collision avoidance
and could take you home if you were drunk,
then we got rid of the horse.
cowboys who ride off into the sunset
will quickly run out of daylight
and have to camp outside of town.
should've just stayed put for the night.
the idea of a ghost who moans
probably came from children
whose parents were having sex
and denied having heard the sounds.
i'd like to thank the brave men
and women, who died long ago,
tasting which plants were edible,
and which were not.
in 500 days i could meet someone,
get married, have a baby,
get divorced, and still
be using the same box of Q-tips.
if you think about it,
taking candy from a baby
would actually be a very
responsible thing to do.
(from reddit showerthoughts)
