i've contemplated it,
though there's nothing
to gain from vanishing
and never coming back.

i do it mostly to imagine
the look on your face,
the perplexity of emotion
at discovering i'm gone.

of course, i don't,
because i don't want to,
for myself, and you,
and our future together.

but i still think about it.
heading out the back door
while you're walking the dog
never to see you again.

and eat it, too

i don't know how to bring it up,
the fact that we haven't
eaten chocolate cake together
in a really long time.

it concerns me.
because i eat cake alone
sometimes -- most times
more than i eat it with them.

and there was that one time
they ate  cake without me
when i was right there, available,
ready to eat cake, too.

i'm at such a loss, truthfully,
because in the end,
i know it's my fault,
and has nothing to do about cake.

insomnia

i toss and turn,
addresses of rural
areas racing through
my mind

i'm searching for
something i missed,
a clue, a sign,
the way forward.

all i find are
circular paths
ending at
the beginning

why won't she
wake me up
why won't she
wake me up?