she was always in love with other men
and came to me when they broke her heart.
i smoothed her hair and rubbed her back,
doing my duty, playing my part.

you could say i was her only friend,
the only man who didn't kiss her.
i didn't ask her out on dates,
and didn't buy her liquor.

perhaps that's why it hurts so much,
knowing deep down how i feel.
that she needs me more as i am,
and not as another heart to steal.

i woke to a grey sky
and a rain that came,
then went, darkening
the bark of trees.

i lay with my eyes
opened, staring out,
my heart a mirror
of the scene outside.

i did not stir that day,
not even to eat
or pick up the phone
to seek comfort.

my eyes closed,
and i dreamt,
and i woke,
and the sun was up.

semester abroad

our meeting was entirely happenstance,
the kind that happens in movies
that leave your heart aching, and mind racing,
"that never happens in real life."

but her smile was like a warm wall,
always halting me where i stood.
i would often get lost in her eyes,
and she would do little to help me get out.

and even though i was only visiting,
i quickly fell in love with her oversized sweaters,
matching colored wool socks,
and tea with her family.

we had lots of time to talk,
high "petrol" costs meant
everyone rode the bus --
unless it was a special occasion.

and it rains a lot there, you know.
but we didn't mind
being stuck inside.
we had each other -- in more ways than one.

afterward, the only sounds were
the soft sound of her breathing
and quiet noise of the radio news,
talking about pileups on streets i didn't know.

when it was time, she drove me --
yes, with her car -- to the airport.
my shoulder was ripe for crying on then,
i had done most of mine alone the night earlier.

of those final moments,
i do not remember much.
only the final words she said,
lyrics from her favorite song:

don't forget me, i beg,
i remember you said,
sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead.

pressed up against me,
on such a cold night,
cocooned within my arms,
it's hard to tell her no.

and though embracing her
leads to complication -
and ultimately sadness -
i do so time and again.

perhaps it is the warmth
of another human body,
or maybe it's the comfort
of knowing i'm not alone.