how to cope

to call it a bombshell,
would be a misnomer.
for it causes prolonged anguish,
and not merciful obliteration.

indeed, i would much rather,
be blown to tiny bits
than suffer from within,
slow, and agonizing.

my head keeps spinning
as an imaginary vise
presses on my heart,
getting tighter with no reprieve.

it plays over and over in my head
like a song you can't stop singing,
a habit you can't seem to break,
a past you are helpless to change.

while i am a thinking man,
there is no logic here,
no hope of understanding,
just simple, real, hurt.

curse

forgiveness can be so hard
with such a heavy price,
so i turn the other way
and bid another future adieu.

i've lost count how many times
this sinking feeling has emerged,
slowly unraveling the threads
holding my patchwork heart together.

i wonder if i'm the cause
since after all this time,
the common denominators
are my bad decisions - repeated.

to refuse what is good for me
time and time again,
in favor of something familiar
like pain and sorrow and despair.

to catch a butterfly

to catch a butterfly,
can be a challenging task.
for, oh, how they flutter,
swiftly, to and fro.

chasing one is futile,
always out of reach.
wild, desperate grabs
yield nothing but air.

yet one can extend a hand,
motionless, like stone,
and, through patience,
attract the creature.

for that which is sought,
does not wish to be captured,
but to choose of its own accord,
the heart on which to alight.

you've been fluttering like a fairy,
around and around my heart.
wondering if it might be worth it,
to have yet another fresh start.

to try again once more,
and play this dangerous game.
which has the power to heal,
and also the power to maim.

sensing this i proceeded,
in a slow, methodical advance.
for i was also a bit unsure,
if i should take the chance.

yet i am so very glad i did,
for it's been entirely worthwhile,
every time i hear your laugh,
and every time i see you smile.

the future can be a scary beast,
full of unknowns, it's true...
which is why i am so grateful,
i'll be taking it on with you.

i'd like to file a complaint

by toy factory standards,
humans simply wouldn't do.
much too many imperfections,
with a large percentage of defects.

entire lines of humans
are oblivious to worldly issues,
stuck in their individually
wrapped, plastic boxes.

they turn a blind eye to
the baby doll models
that come into the world
skinny and malnourished.

meanwhile, others are created
with a sense of entitlement,
and will whine -- and whine --
long after their string has been pulled.

sparkling wine chilled in the fridge
next to three filet mignons that
i bought earlier that morning
in anticipation of a celebration.

two new thermoses were for
the morning after, washed,
rinsed, and set to dry, for the
coffee for our early morning trip.

an hour or so spent cleaning my place,
placing candles in the bedroom,
setting two plates, two wine glasses,
and preparing the food we'd cook.

my unbridled eagerness,
a harbinger of disappointment,
when my perfect world,
finally met reality.