pity

when i cannot express
those deepest of feelings,
expect me to deflect
and instead opt for pity.

for i cannot share
how i truly feel,
i forsake help
in favor of attention.

yet i can admit it here,
i hope you dig deep enough,
uncover the poisonous root,
and eradicate it.

i am not special

i am no different from the others
to whom you said you loved
and gave your heart unto
as you did with me.

true, i may be different,
perhaps i am nicer,
or possess some quality
you've come to desire.

but unique i am not,
so i implore honesty
and beseech you thusly,
to please not pretend.

you lie next to me tonight
while thoughts of doubt
swirl in the air around us
spreading uneasiness.

your past has caught
up with us again
as is its habit of doing
when all is going well.

repressive emotions
bear physical weight
as if pushing down
upon my soul.

our fingertips touch,
i wonder if you're awake,
and pull my hand away,
confirming the accident.

doubt supplants certainty,
answers become questions,
thoughts of who i think you are
dissipate like our love.

cocktail

i've come to despise the winter,
how the clouds darken
shortly after i'm released
from the daily monotony of my job.

i return home, yet it is not one
bustling with laughter of children,
nor of a warm meal to share,
or the closeness of another.

i collapse on the couch as the
wind howls its way inside,
the technicolor flicker of my tv
the only noteworthy stimulus.

crushing them all up,
prozac, paxil, zoloft,
swirling the powder
into a glass of whiskey.

i succumb to the numbness,
let it wash over me
just like the howling wind,
a soundtrack of my life,
in what i'm hoping is just a single.

I decided while I was in the shower to use some of her bath soap she left over. I think it had the words Desire and Love in the name. I had just stepped out of the shower when I heard the phone ring. I snatched my towel and raced downstairs to answer it.

She was standing behind the counter, twirling the phone by its cord in one hand and the spare key I gave her in the other.

"At least we know it works," she said, coming closer.

"Ever heard of trespassing?" I joked.

She smiled, leaned in, and sniffed.

"Mmm, you smell like me," she said, and kissed me.