Word Stairs

The,
Simplicity of,
A short poem is,
That it builds upon itself.

Like,
Stairs that lead,
Upward toward some height,
That you never imagined existed.

People,
Also build,
Their lives in steps,
To cope with harsh reality.

Perhaps,
It would be best,
For me to be happy more,
Even if deep inside, I feel very sad.

Maybe,
Just maybe,
I will convince myself,
That the sad reality, is not real.

Then,
I can be,
A bit happier,
For a little while.

Sunday Morning

Buttoned-up with a pair of slacks,
With a stain you can't remember.
Probably because they aren't yours,
But a man's who left them last September.

The pews are divided as equally,
As the soothing atmosphere.
So magnificent is that Cross,
You didn't notice your neighbor's sneer.

The colored stain-glassed windows shine,
Upon the altar gorgeous and grand.
And yet some whites sit in the front rows,
To avoid shaking a black hand.

The sermon is captivating and rich,
God nearly flows straight through your veins.
You would never stop to think,
Corruption would exist in his domain.

Confession arrives at last,
The longest part of the day.
Because man will always sin,
No matter how hard that we pray.

So Much Depends

so much depends
upon

the note i wrote
to you

so you know
why

i am no longer
here

From William Carlos Williams' The Red Wheelbarrow:

so much depends
upon

the red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens

Look it up to understand both poems.

MySpace Whores

I dunno if it's just me, but these chicks are getting annoying.

You've heard of this phenomena,
At some time or other, I'm sure.
Quietly logging in to your e-mail,
To be assaulted by MySpace whores.

With ingeniously titled names,
Like "Sexy2hottie" and "ImavirginNOT".
With some picture of a girl,
And a description, "I'm so hot".

Here's just a little notice,
To all the MySpace whores.
I don't even ****ing know you,
And denying you becomes a chore.

I don't care if my friend list,
Fails to hit two thousand-plus.
Because the few I've listed,
Are the ones I think I trust.

I know that you are fake,
Probably advertising for some site.
Which is why time and time again,
I will decline your friend invite.

SHOUT IT!!!

I could write it on the walls,
Of caves with beasts I fear.
Or climb a trecherous slope,
And sing it loud and clear.

I could put it in a bottle,
And send it out to sea.
Or go back to my hometown,
And carve it in a tree.

I could put it on the net,
Some obscure online profile.
Or simply contact you directly,
With a number I'm scared to dial.

But of all the things I can do,
I think this one's the best.
Poems shout out words I fail to speak,
Shout out over all the rest.

Mystery Butterfly

Such a beautiful butterfly,
Sitting all alone.
I recall her passivity,
And the way her hair shone.

Why is such a gorgeous creature,
Sharing company with the air?
These questions and more I ponder,
As I can only manage to stare.

I don't wish to frighten her,
So I keep my faraway distance
Afraid she'll be afraid,
And ignore my existence.

I keep watching and waiting,
'Til she flies away on her own.
I'm left to sit and wonder,
If I shouldn't have left her alone.

12 Months

January seems to ebb and flow,
I'm told it's the most depressing of months,
For it holds the day with the least sunshine,
And also the day I was born.

February likes to roll on in,
Like a man cutting in the carwash line.
I pray for snow, I pray it comes.
But it never does in time.

March tries to bring some promise,
With warm winds washing your face.
Maybe the AC is simply broken,
But I feel so cold inside.

April brings the showers,
But mixed with sun - it makes no sense.
I'd much rather the sky be gloomy,
So I'm not guilty, or sad, or bent.

May marks the beginning,
Of free time I'll never use.
Just the beginning of another obsession,
May I please have it be you?

June, what a pretty name,
I'm sure she's beautiful.
I pontificate if it's stalking,
Or simply courage - void and null.

July holds bright rays,
Shining down upon God's grace.
What a shame I stay indoors,
O where art thou Emily?

August - what an emotion.
Special for different reasons,
But each one different,
Depending on who you ask.

September appears in hours,
Of work, and school (but play?).
Nay, just labor for me,
Trying to cope with my life.

October is where I'll hit my groove,
Thinking life is going just fine.
I think of Thanksgiving and Christmas,
Where there will be other people to dine.

November, a procrastinator's worst dream,
Rushing to complete their resolutions.
Hurrying and scurrying their lives,
Before wondering where the years went.

December is such a joyous month,
For it finally gives us time to love.
New Year's gives us wishes to make,
Before the same subsequent year begins.

And each one after that,
All exactly the same.
Atleast so far that's been the case,
I pray for change, maybe later - for death.

This Does Mean Something.

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What Is This Feeling?

If I've helped a friend,
And done something right.
Then why am I shaking,
And my stomach tight?

Deep down exists a truth,
Struggling to break free.
I focus to push it back,
In and out, one, two, three.

Do I only help for praise?
Like a gun filled with blanks?
Is that why I get upset,
When you fail to say a 'thanks'?

I wasn't meant to help others,
With an attitude so amiss.
I can't even tell myself,
Why I seem to act like this.

If I get mad at you,
Who will console me on my behalf?
Saddened by the thought,
Of a friendship I shouldn't have.

You've Got Mail (Noir)

She'd always send me text messages. Always when I wasn't expected them. Three in the morning, on a rainy Wednesday, or sometimes just before I went to bed. Each time I'd flip open my phone, and hear the automated voice and message simultaneously notify me, "You've got mail". What's even stranger is they always managed to come at the most delicate of times. Whenever I found myself in need of someone with no one around I'd always get a perfectly timed text message or voice mail. Always from her. I'm not one for miracles or anything, so you won't see me trying to convince you that she's some kind of angel. All I know for sure is that she's one of the best friends that I've had or ever will have. And that I fell in love with her.

Part of me couldn't help it. Lonely people fall in love easily. Most won't reject it when it's offered. Even if it isn't any good they'll try it out first and make decisions later. For most people in love the three magical words to make them smile are simple. Mine had a contraction which combined four words in to three. I guess you could call it cheating the system, but I'm not one for technicalities. Naturally when the text messages and voice mail stopped I wasn't in any kind of mood that could be considered anything better than pitifully denied. It wasn't that the loneliness was all that bad. In the years previous to her I had gotten used to it. Built up an immunity. I suppose it was like a cheap four dollar steak that leaves a bad aftertaste in your mouth a few years after you eat it. And here I am without any mouthwash.

Seconds and minutes blurred with hours. Hours blurred with days and days with weeks. Birthdays passed by, both my own and others, without any notice or celebration. I didn't even know how old I was. Just that I was alone, and had been for quite some time. Struggling in existence like everyone else. Funny thing about life. Some people think everyone's special. Some think nobody is. I only thought that I wasn't. But I knew she was. Like a fool I charged my phone every night. Like an idiot I would roll out of bed each morning and stare back at the solitary time displayed on the screen. If she sent a message I'd see a little piece of paper, or a microphone. But every morning all I'd see were three, sometimes four if I was tired, numbers staring me straight in the face, with a colon to separate them as though it were a dagger in my heart.

As I said before, I'm not a person partial to miracles. I don't think about God, since I don't think he thinks about me. The same relationship strangers share. So when I had finally decided that I was stealing too much air from more worthy inhabitants of reality, I was ready. Pills in the cabinet. Gun on the table. Rope in the shed. Hands in my pockets. Which was it gonna be? I took time to ponder it over like a prisoner licking his lips wondering what his last meal should be. How far away was I? A minute? A couple seconds? A few brief moments in time which everyone else has taken for granted? I don't remember. The only thing I recall is hearing a "bleep" come out from my phone on the table. I stopped tying the rope around the fan. With the noose still around my neck I walked over to my bedside table. The light wasn't even bright enough to tell what the screen said. But I had that piece of paper burned in to my mind for years. I knew exactly what it was, and who it was from.

Assigned Seats

An idea just so crazy,
That it might just be true.
I can see who you will be,
By where you sat in school.

Kindergarten class,
Children so oblivious and naive.
The moment they leave the car,
They don't know what to believe.

Teachers become gods,
With a judgmental decision.
Where to assign the seats,
Assign futures to envision.

The twenty-one year old,
Who's been to all the proms,
Sat between three girls,
Thus learning to be cool and calm.

The rich computer nerd,
Who would always get harassed.
Was assigned a seat in the front,
Away from the rest of the class.

The woman with three divorces,
Who can't help it but annoy,
Would sit wherever she liked,
But usually by a cute boy.

Miss material girl,
Poor thing never had a chance.
Sitting in the midst of us all,
Holding us in perpetual trance.

In a corner by myself,
Is where I was assigned to sit each day.
Occasionally I'd have visitors,
But they never seemed to stay.

Something Funny (Exit page and come back to watch from start)

You're My Reason

The rain falls easily,
Allowing the thunder to growl.
It's a reason like why loneliness,
Is the cause of why dogs howl.

Waving our hands is caused,
By when two people say good-bye.
Just like how striking an innocent child,
Will likely cause them to cry.

Being sad is possibly the reason,
That best friends were ever made.
Just as the unknown is responsible,
For people being afraid.

The fact that we're alive,
Is also the reason we love, too.
Which is why my only reason,
Has ever been, and will be... you.

Some Quiet Place

Some quiet place this is,
In between the rifts of time.
Perhaps its no place at all,
Simply a well-acted mime.

It's quiet when I eat,
But only a few know why.
It's quiet in bed at night,
It's quiet when they pass by.

Would you like to visit me,
At my secret quiet place?
Then you'll have to ask,
If that's the case.

But so far I'm quiet alone,
A special place meant just for me.
In the foothills of Appalachia,
In some place called Tennessee.

Ha, Ha, Ha

Ha, ha, ha,
Look who's laughing now.
It's your turn to trip and fall,
And mine to take a bow.

All along you've been strung,
As a mere actor in my show.
Even when I was deathly sad,
You'd merely point and say "emo".

A loser for displaying emotion,
Hateful words becoming fuel.
You thought they'd bring me down,
You thought you were really cool.

"Let's make fun of that guy",
"Atleast it isn't me".
What a pitiful decree,
With which only cowards will agree.

But I am stronger now,
After years and years of frown.
Because overcoming you,
Has turned it upside down.

You think I'm misunderstood?
Or don't understand my style?
My way of life is simple,
Simply love and laugh and smile.

Japanese Nights

Oh what I would give,
To simply be there.
Staring at the bright lights,
And breathing in the fresh air.

All the shops and stores,
Their windows filled with games.
Each one is open late,
And they all have funny names.

The smell of the food,
Soon reaches my nose.
A smell so great,
I couldn't describe it in prose.

Everyone is crowded,
But happy nonetheless.
A place to find some peace,
And also a pretty dress.

Yet there's one thing out there,
That the night fails to provide.
A certain love in the air,
And you by my side.

Dead To Me Now

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The Last

Something's always been mixed up,
Nothing's ever quite right.
I think my world is crashing down,
When I go to sleep at night.

When I wake up it's all brand new,
The chance to feel alive again.
Yet you're there and I'm here,
Just like its always been.

Someone else was meant for you,
I'm only allowed to be support.
Love is a tough game to play,
Touching hearts - a contact sport.

My feelings for you differ,
Compared to who I used to think of.
I'm sorry I don't see a friend,
But the only person I'll ever love.

I go to sleep feeling sad,
Knowing I'll awake just fine.
Until I realize you're gone,
Where I'm out of sight and out of mind.

There's only one thing I'll ever ask,
The only time I'll beg and plead.
It's that after you turn your back,
You won't try to forget me.

Eye Dew

Alone in her room - she wonders,
If this is a life she should pursue.
The night before it all changes,
With those two words ( ).

She'd like to believe - it's a fantasy,
The same as Cinderella and her glass shoe.
But there's a love to be lost - a life it will cost,
The final closure - the ( ).

There was no other way - for her to say,
That not loving him would be untrue.
To the dismay - of her fiancee,
She'd had second thoughts of ( ).

This other man she loved,
Had torn her heart in two.
With the heartache - a decision to make,
Would she say ( )?

She dreamt that night of walking,
Down to a groom standing out of view.
When she saw it was him - she jumped,
And knew she could not say ( ).

She knew before - who she loved more,
The feelings she failed to subdue.
On the brink - she took time to think,
Of what it means to say ( ).

Did she make the right decision - with the right precision?
Discovering a long lost love anew?
Such a difficult choice - to simply use your voice,
And say those two little words ( ) .

Small Disclaimer

Not everything I write is about me, or how I feel.

When I'm Gone

I'd like to do it,
To see if you'd say bye.
To see if you'd care,
To see if you'd cry.

I'd go through with it,
Just to see past your walls,
Just to see if I'm important,
Just to see if I matter at all.

I'd do it again if I could,
Only to see the emotion in your face.
Only to see the twinkle in your eyes,
Only to see the tears start to race.

I can only pull the trigger once,
Since it's a very final type of task.
It's a shame I won't see at all,
Since I was too scared to simply ask.

I never knew how you felt, and now I never will. I am sorry. I just hope that you feel something after I'm gone. Anything... Anything at all.

Dealing With Problems

Like a child you trap yourself inside,
Telling others to go away.
You just wish you'd disappear,
Since you don't know what to say.

It all seems stupid in your head,
And even moreso when it spills out.
Instead of keeping your chin high,
You sit and wimper and pout.

You convince yourself they don't know,
The way that your mind works.
You hope your silence gets to them,
Without making you seem like a jerk.

It's one of those feelings you have,
That you seem to know all too well.
You know exactly what it means,
But can't quite manage to quell.

You ceased being yourself,
Or perhaps finally began.
No one has a clue,
That seclusion is your plan.

Perhaps by remaining quiet,
Help will arrive with the winds of time.
Or then again it just may rest,
In between the line of a rhyme.

Even If...

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I ask myself every day,
If you could be the one.
But "one" is never the same,
And in fact there might be none.

A dream made up in my head,
A you that doesn't exist.
With a face I've never touched,
And lips I've never kissed.

Yet who you are is there,
And I can see it clear.
My eyes and fingertips,
Are what I use to hear.

Who's to say this isn't right?
I just believe what's in my heart.
However making sense of that,
Is the really confusing part.

When the power goes out,
And I'm left sitting in the dark.
I play this song for myself,
Letting it leave its mark.

Years have gone by,
And I'm still not sure I know.
If it's still too late to act,
Or if it is now time to let go.

I'll be the very best friend,
That I know how to be.
I'll be whoever you need,
Or do whatever you ask of me.

It isn't too late, for you to ask,
A little favor now and then.
Because even if I can't love you,
I will always be your friend.

Love is Confidential

Like little black folders,
We hide with decency.
The ones we often love,
Are kept in secrecy.

Not even our closest friends,
Know the feelings we possess.
Or the overwhelming emotions,
We always fail to suppress.

There is no one out there,
To say who is just a friend.
So we do the ever-dangerous,
Allowing our minds to pretend.

"What might be",
"If only I knew".
We have a plan in mind,
But rarely pursue.

I've learned that's just life,
A part that we can't rid.
We have to learn to live,
With the love that is forbid.

It's snowing all around me...

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The snow falls silently,
But I can hear it with my eyes.
Through my bedroom window,
I'm waiting for my surprise.

It happened to Kelly down the street,
And I heard it happened to Jared, too.
But it never seems to happen to me,
And I think that I'm long overdue.

It has come knocking at my door,
Yet I stay huddled in my room.
Scared and dependent of others,
Just like I was in the womb.

I really just need a friend,
Someone to help me get through.
But this friend I think I need,
Is not you, or you, or you.

It's just best to leave me alone,
So please try and hear my plea.
I'm not looking for what you offer,
So please stop bugging me.

Just let me stare out of my window,
Down to the vibrant streets below.
That are covered ever so gracefully,
With the loving touch of snow.

Allow me to wish upon a star,
That I'll touch that snow one day.
And that I'll find someone out there,
Who can help show me the way.

So effortlessly it falls,
As lovers await its descent.
They longingly await its touch,
While I mournfully lament.

Always

No matter which way I turn,
No matter which direction I face,
I'm reminded in some way of you,
A memory I cannot erase.

If I turn on the radio,
I'll hear songs we sung together.
Or if I see gray clouds forming,
How you liked the rainy weather.

If I feel drowsy during the day,
I remember our two-hour naps.
And how if I asked if you loved me,
You'd grin and say "Perhaps".

I'll wake up in the morning,
My hand clutching hair on my head.
Remembering a time it was yours,
And not my lonely self instead.

I'll cook things we made together,
Because the smells remind me of you.
All that's different are my tears,
Which drop effortlessly in to the brew.

Why do you have to be everywhere,
Except the one place that matters?
I now live in a world of silence,
That was once filled with your chatter.

No matter how hard that I try,
I don't think I'll ever forget,
Because things remind me every day,
Of the very first day we met.

Always, I will remember,
Always, I'll love you.
Always, I'll be there,
I just wish you could be here too.