i throw up, which it reminds me of
eating too much candy as a child
on Halloween night, which reminds me
of the beating i received, which reminds
me of how i ran away, which
reminds me of the orphanage,
which reminds me of home.

i look in the mirror, which brings back memories
of feeling self conscious and unwanted
in grade school, which brings back
memories of my first dance, which brings
back memories of being cheated on, which
brings back memories of using,
which brings back memories i'd rather forget.

i see the scars on my arm, which make me think
if the world would be better off without me
a part of it, which makes me think
of ending it again, which makes me
think of all the times i haven't, which makes
me think of why i haven't, which
makes me think of using again,
which makes me think of when i quit.

i head back to bed.